I was definitely a little bit (okay maybe a lot) hesitant to write this post, but after having a chat to myself about what it is I want to use my blog for I realised I wanted it to be a place where I can reflect and open up about my life; past, present and future. I’ve always been a pretty open book, there isn’t much I try to hide and that’s always been something that I’ve carried along with me over the years; of course that doesn’t mean I will share EVERYTHING; we all have our little secrets that we wouldn’t dare tell to anyone, or have to courage to do so.
So then we come onto the topic of ‘breakups’ – the oh so interesting ‘b’ word. I’m on about any breakup in this case, ex boyfriend/girfriend or simply just friend. Breakups can be one of the weirdest things to go through; spending so much time with someone, putting in the effort day in and day out for it to come to an end in an instant… a bit like a sudden car crash. There isn’t always the slow downhill realisation that things aren’t working out, sometimes relationships can end when you least expect them to. Or maybe other times you both know for a while things aren’t working out and the impact is less hard hitting…either way a breakup is a breakup.
I’m 20 and I’ve had two ‘proper’ relationships in my life so far. Both breakups completely different and when I look at it the person I was in both relationships was different also. One; a 16 year old me, still in school and still yet to learn all about the ‘real world’, self love, self worth and finding the confidence to be myself. The other; a more mature me, passionate and wanting to show the world what I was all about. I think as you get older you start to realise what it is you want out of life, and if you’re someone like me you learn than happiness and relationships aren’t always as straight forward as people make them out to be. You have to be grateful to take something out of each breakup though, which will shape you as a person and make you understand there really are no rules when it comes to your life…oh and also your own company is a lot better than you ever thought it would be.
I’m a lot happier on my own than I ever thought I’d be:
I used to be scared of being on my own, constantly feeling as though I needed people around me to make me happy. I don’t at all mean that I was the type of girl to always feel like she needed a relationship but truth be told I haven’t ‘properly‘ been on my own since I was 15. I’d have much rather spent evenings and weekends with other people than alone, that was until very recently… I’ve learnt a hell of a lot about myself in the past 6 months, and while it’s surprised me it’s also made me realise that as an individual I’m completely capable of finding happiness on my own. I used to envy people who enjoyed their own company; wondering why I never fell into that category and wondering why it was I felt like I needed people around all the time. Truth is… growing as a person made me realise, sometimes the best company, is your own company. Every so often you need time out and for me at this moment in time that means doing exactly what I like each day of the week and not feeling bad about it.
You CAN be friends with an ex:
There’s like this ‘imaginary’ rule book when it comes to relationships (life in general) and if something doesn’t fit the norm people are quick to judge. Not all relationships end with both individuals hating each other; not every time a breakup happens does it result in blocking each other on all forms of social media and swearing if you ever see them again you will punch them in the face. Staying friends with an ex isn’t so much of a big deal as people make it out to be and It shouldn’t be a ‘confusing’ thing to grasp the idea of; unless of course you are a narrow minded person. Sometimes people drift in a relationship, or problems occur that makes it difficult to be with someone but staying friends after everything shows just how strong and mature you are as people. I’ve always believed in keeping people in your life who play an important part in your happiness and will carry on doing exactly this throughout my life.
Keeping occupied is key:
I can’t stress this enough. Sometimes I would forget to take time for myself when in a relationship; I’m the type of girl who wants to make other people happy and usually that means that I forget about myself. Breaking up with someone means that you have to rely more on yourself than anyone else, because at the end of the day regardless of the decision you need to focus on your happiness and where it is you find that. For me blogging is something I love to do, and when I’m writing and creating content I feel most myself, so having more time to do that is something that has honestly made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I’ve also taken the time to go to the gym more instead of sitting on my arse in the evening watching series after series of Gossip Girl on Netflix (although I am totally guilty of still doing this). I think going to the gym has actually been something that I’ve heavily underestimated in terms of just how much it’s really helped to get my mind of anything I’m stressed or upset about.
People deal with breakups differently; so don’t feel bad if you don’t want to take someone else’s advice:
This has been a pretty important lesson I’ve learnt when going through breakups. It’s all well and good opening up to people, speaking to friends about what you are going through and YES their advice can resonate with you and help you massively but also it can make you feel like you are going about the breakup in the wrong way. There really is no right or wrong way to feel after a breakup. Advice from people can make you feel as though you need to change who you are in order to deal with the situation, taking time away from things may be what everyone else is telling you to do but if that’s not what your heart or head is saying then the chances are that you know what’s best for you. Of course some friends give out absolutely amazing advice, and it can be that other people end up helping you more than you thought they would, but don’t underestimate your own advice as sometimes this can be the one thing that helps you the most.
Photos by Katherine Mcmorran:
What I’m Wearing: